The Little Lies I Tell My Kids

I lie to my kids every single day and I don’t feel guilty about it! Every parent has their go-to list of lies that they tell their kids to help the day move a little more smoothly, to get them to do something they don’t want to do, right?

Here is a sampling of the little fibs that make my life just a little easier:

1. It (insert a food the kids find disgusting here) doesn’t taste gross!
2. I always did what my parents told me to do!
3. I have no idea who ate the last cookie.
4. I can’t find that annoying toy you’ve been playing with that suddenly disappeared.
5. It’s (what ever place I don’t feel like going) not open today.
6. The bruise is the best part of the banana/apple/peach! (because I don’t feel like picking out the bruise)
7. That show isn’t on right now.
8. If you eat that you’ll get smarter!
9. Spiders aren’t scary!
10. The ice cream truck only plays that music when it’s out of ice cream. Sorry!

Those are just the ones I can think of at this moment but I’m sure there are more. I’m hoping that none of them scar them for life but if they do, I’ll foot the bill for the therapy, I’m sure. 🙂

A Little (8 Legged) Life Lesson

The girls’ room was a mess and as I was putting them to bed I was expounding on the importance of cleanliness and how bugs like to live in messy places. I was picking up dirty laundry and books off the floor and, in what can only be described as serendipity,  a big black spider ran out from a sock. The girls shrieked in unified horror (I may have shrieked too but I blacked out for a second so I don’t remember). I threw a Dora book on the beast and the girls continued to scream. Each scream seemed to surpass the previous one in volume and octave. I think I may have lost a level of hearing.

This is how it went down.

Them: “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”

Me: “CALM DOWN!!! STOP SCREAMING!! STOP SCREAMING!!!!”

Them: (deep breath) “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Me: “OMG GUYS!! STOP SCREAMING! IT’S DEAD! IT’S UNDER THIS BOOK!! LOOK!”

Lift book only to have the spider take off running towards me (damn you fluffy pink shag rug). Queue screaming again. This time I believe I did briefly scream before the spider stopped dead in his tracks. I’m sure it’s because of my death ray stare or maybe the volume of our combined screams was like an ultrasonic boom to it’s ears (Do spiders even have ears?). This was a battle of wills. One of us was going to break and it couldn’t be me. I had to be strong for the girls. Must. Not. Break. The. Stare.

And then my knight in shining armor came striding in.

“What is going on in here?? It’s like a horror movie!”

“Spider! Spider!! AHHHHH OMG spider!!”

And in lightning speed, a tissue was brought down upon the creature and our lives were saved. We’re holding a banquet in his honor tomorrow.

Anyway, at the end of the event the girls said, “Mommy, we understand why our room needs to be clean. We promise our room will never be dirty again. We’ll put our laundry in the hamper and we’ll put away our toys. And no food in our room, we promise.”

So all I needed to do to get the “clean room” message was create a traumatic experience using a large spider? Wish I knew that sooner! Let’s see how long this lesson lasts!

St. Patrick’s Day Slime

I found what seemed to be an easy, cheap and super fun craft on Pinterest and it didn’t fail me! It was super fast to make, the kids were ridiculously excited to make it and had a blast playing with it. Not only that, but it was only $4.05 to make.

Ingredients:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 cup liquid starch (I found mine at Walmart for $2.49 called Sta-flo)
8 oz white school glue
Glitter, rhinestones, googly eyes, decorative rocks, confetti… Whatever you want to throw in for fun!!

Mix the glue and starch together. Let sit for 2 minutes so it loses some of its stickiness. While you’re waiting, throw in all your fun stuff. Mix it all up and enjoy!!!! I Broke it up into three Tupperware containers for each of the kids to play with.They loved it!!! Best part is that it cleans up easily and washes off of clothing!!! Have fun!!

Color Mixing!

It snowed AGAIN.  Isnt it funny how in the beginning of winter it snows and everyone is so excited and goes sledding and builds snowmen and then by the end of the season you just want the snow to GO AWAY!  Well, that’s me at least.  I feel like its snowed every day since December 15th.  Well we needed another indoor project because not only did it snow, it was about 7 degrees outside.  We decided on doing a little color mixing project!

I took an empty egg carton and added paint colors to every other egg cradle.  (Is that what they are called? No clue but i feel like that’s an accurate description and you will know what I’m talking about.)  I had my daughter mix the 2 closest paint colors into the empty egg cradle space.  She had fun doing it – the project took about 30 minutes because every time she mixed she had me come look at her color creation.  Then she had to add a little more of this color and a little of more of that until she came up with the PERFECT shade.

Of course by the end every space was filled with brown paint.  But she was extremely proud of her creation. We let it dry to show everyone her art!

Have fun color mixing!

Chores for Children?

When the new year rolled around I told myself that I was going to start having my 3.5 year old do chores around the house, make ourselves a “chore chart”, etc.  Well now January is coming to an end and we still haven’t started the chores and I’m still running around like the maid.  I found this chart today and felt it could help other parents out there get their kids started on chores.  Personally, I always had jobs that I was responsible for around the house, and I never got paid or was rewarded for doing them, it was just part of being a member of the family.  I have considered giving my child a few dollars a week so that she could use the money on an item of her choice or save up for a bigger item.

The ultimate end goal would be teach her financial responsibility, to express importance of contributing to the house as a family member and to help ME out a bit.  Tell me, do your children have jobs around the house that are done consistently?  Do you pay them to do these jobs?

 

Saving your…Sanity?!?

Okay, I know I usually blog about saving money, couponing, good deals, all that fun stuff. However, yesterday I was cooking dinner and my tired, cranky, sick kiddo was whining, “up peas-ing,” and being all around miserable. Now, I know, at the end of a long day of working (inside or outside of the home), the last thing I want is a whiny kid underfoot trying to have me throw my back out as I dance around him trying to get dinner on the table before my hubby comes home.

That being said, my little monster really loves to help. He loves helping in any way: throwing away garbage, putting clothes in the hamper, carrying in groceries, etc., etc., etc. So, while I’m cooking and he’s all “upppp peeeeaaasssse!” inspiration struck and I decided to put my little angel to work.

Here are some things my toddler enjoys helping with in the kitchen that seriously helps to save my sanity:

*Put away spices (note: he did drop one and the lid broke. It’s not the end of the world).

*Spray pam in the casserole

*Stir, stir, stir

*Throw away garbage (Pretty sure my kid is growing up to be a garbage man – and I’m okay with that. As long as he showers outside of the house before he comes to visit).

*Dump ingredients into the pot, bowl, etc.

*Warn mommy that the oven/stove are “HOT HOT!” (Glad we instilled that one in him while he was young).

*Open and close the refrigerator 4,000 times. (Okay, that one wasn’t helpful, but it kept him occupied for 2 and a half minutes).

My son is only 22 months old. However, I’m glad I’m introducing him to the kitchen at a young age. At this rate, he’ll be a better chef than his dad by the time he’s….well, probably like 2. But still. What are some things you do to keep your kids occupied while you’re cooking dinner?

A Mom-dern Fairytale

 

Once upon a time there was a little princess who couldn’t make up her mind.

“Do you want cereal or eggs?” her mother, the Queen, said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said.

“Do you want pink pants or a purple dress?” her mother said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said.

“Do you want juice or milk?” her mother said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said again.

“Do you want peanut butter and jelly or a cheese sandwich?” her mother said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said.

“Do you want to go for a walk to the park or watch a movie?” her mother said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said.

“Do you want pizza or tacos?” her mother said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said yet again.

“Do you want a nightgown or footies?” her mother said.

“Umm, I don’t know…” she said.

Then her mother, the Queen, couldn’t take it anymore, remembered that she was the adult and stopped giving the little princess options. The Queen made the decisions, like a Queen should, had a glass of wine and a brownie, put her feet up and watched one of her shows and all was right with the kingdom again.

The end.

Face Lace: Halloween Craft Time

We go through a lot of eggs in our house and usually I just recycle the container since it’s made out of cardboard, but creativity struck me the other day while heading to the recycling bin and this is the result. I had an idea to make a Halloween center piece for our island by turning the egg carton into a pumpkin and graveyard patch. Using paints and odds and ends from around the house we created a masterpiece!!            

Shower Time- AKA The Only Time I Get Alone (Sometimes)

 

I’ll be honest, I’m really not a fan of showers. Actually, that’s not true. I’m not a fan of all that I have to do AFTER the shower- like moisturize, brush my 8 feet of hair, leave-in condition my 8 feet of hair, and then gel my 8 feet of hair. Hmmm… maybe I’m not a fan of my 8 feet of hair. Time for a hair cut?

Usually, this is my only “me” time during the day so I try to take the longest possible shower ever!

So this is how it goes:

Turn on shower. Get nekkid. Weigh myself. Cry a little. Get in the shower vowing to be lighter next time. (2 minutes)

Grab the body wash and the razor and start shaving my legs. (5 minutes)

I start singing (this week it’s a Little Mermaid/Frank Sinatra/Kate Bush medley). Wild ideas go through my head- I should invent a hair product that washes/conditions/and styles your hair in one step! Maybe I’ll never shave my legs or pits again. Cake for dinner isn’t bad if you do it once in a while, right? We should get a dog. Oh, but first we need a fence… and walls. Don’t forget to switch the load from the washer to the dryer! Can’t forget to post that funny thing the girls did. (10 minutes, randomly throughout the shower)

Interruption #1- a small child running in to ask me a burning question- “Can I get a unicorn for Christmas? A real one, Mommy! Not a plastic one like at the store! I’m sending my wish right up to Santa and he makes everything I want so really I’m just telling you. K? Oh, and why is your must-cara all over your eyes? We’re not supposed to color on our bodies! I’m telling Daddy!” Discuss good behavior for Santa and not being a tattle tale. (3 minutes)

Rinse off legs and go for the pits. (1 minute)

Shampoo and condition hair. (5 minutes- I have A LOT OF HAIR)

Then, I make what I like to call “hair art”- all those random hairs that fall out when I shower I (temporarily) place them on the shower wall (so they don’t go down my drain and clog it) and once a few get on there I step back and take a look- kind of like a hairy Rorschach test. Oh! That looks like a flamingo running from an alien! Aha! That looks like a sassy lady carrying an umbrella. And then I wipe them away because I’m not gross. (2 minutes)

Interruption #2:  my husband with another burning question disguised as an excuse to see me in the buff-  “Did you get more dishwasher detergent? Also, looookin’ good… (wink wink)!” (1 minute)

Wash the body and exfoliate all the things.  (2 minutes).

Solve all the world’s problems and tell myself not to forget these great ideas once I get out of the shower. (2 minutes concurrent with washing body)

Interruption #3: the baby is crying. Times up!

All in all that’s, what?  17 minutes? Maybe that’s not a lot to other people but it’s like 17 minutes in heaven for me!! And even if that’s all of the alone time I get, I’m cool with that! Because all of the time I don’t spend alone is spent with some of the cutest little (and big) people around. And they, at the very least, give me some good material for Facebook statuses. 🙂

 

The Cookie Duster Chronicles

Let me start off by saying I am, by far, one of the least competitive people you will ever meet.  I play games for fun, I laugh a lot while playing, if I lose, “oh well”, if I win, “holy crap-for real-BOOM!”.  I’ve even raised children that aren’t really too competitive, especially when sports are concerned.  I don’t compare myself to other mom’s because A) looks can be deceiving and just because someone LOOKS like they got it together doesn’t mean they do..for all I know that woman is smiling because she’s heavily medicated, thinking of killing her kids and husband, had a frontal lobotomy, or is just plain crazy B) I rock so why compare C) refer to B and A and because D) as a mother I feel it is my obligation to help other mother’s…aren’t we all learning as we go, or did one of these mom’s that knows everything actually stumble upon a manual?  Life is too short to sit there and compete, especially when it comes to “my daugher’s outfit stayed clean all day and her hair is perfectly coifed and I am a size 0″…know what that tells me, you need more fun in your life…more get dirty, clothes are washable and replaceable, eat some chocolate, fun!!  Not only that, but I spent all of my teenage life doing that ridiculous, “if I only had her parents, her thighs, her wardrobe” game and it turns out that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…so I learned to embrace what I have, let me shine and love my life and all the chaos and bad days  involved.  

That being said, it doesn’t mean I don’t doubt myself as a parent sometimes.  Most of the time I think I’m doing a good job…their physically healthy, have some manners, do their homework, don’t curse (around me), laugh, are good friends, have clean underwear, brush their teeth..and so forth.  I’ve comfortably raised three infants into children without comparing my children to others..till this last one.  

I blame it on society.  People are so eager to make themselves appear better by knocking other people down…it’s so sad.  It’s even worse that children are being raised by these kind of adults and now my poor kids are going to school with their monster children, but that’s a rant for another day….

Back to me and my problem!  -insert devilish smile-  Anyway, a person made a comment the other day about my 10 month, soon to be 11 month old, and why he’s not walking. It wasn’t so much that they said it, but their tone.  In fact they said exactly this, “shouldn’t this kid be walking by now”.  Like, me as a parent was doing something to stop my baby from walking.  At the time I blew it off and said, ” I don’t want him walking anyway, I can’t keep up with him as it is.”  Which is soooooooo true.  But then I started thinking about it and the more I thought about it the more hurt I became and the more hurt I became the more I started blaming myself, am I holding him too much, babying him too much, and then I started to compare  my little pumpkin to other babies, and even to his own brothers and sister and their milestones!  I even went as far as digging up their baby books to see when they started walking!  And you know what I realized?????????????

That my baby is normal…both of his brothers and his sister were 11 months to 11 1/2 months old when they started walking on their own, I got crazy for no reason. 

So the moral of this rant is this, stop comparing yourself and competing against stupid heads…and if for some reason you find yourself slipping and letting those that love to compare and compete get to you, remember this…YOU ROCK!!  And since only people that rock read this blog, you know this is true!

 

ROCK ON FELLOW MUSTACHIANS!!!!!!!!